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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I totally identify with this post. I can’t believe when he walks into a room he can’t see the situation and what needs to be done. 20 years of having to give OBVIOUS instructions really grates. When I proactively ask him to do something, I can be met with “Yes of course I was going to do that” but if I don’t there is a really good chance it doesn’t happen.

Getting ready for a holiday meal is a great example: I have to step by step give him tasks all day in prep: put leaves in the table and add the extra chairs, get ice and extra soft drinks from the store, set up the cheese plate. He does consistently set up the bar without asking. But several times a year I’m asking him to set up the table, get the ice - like it’s all new to him. And it makes me edgy because meanwhile I’m prepping and cooking in the kitchen and then have to assign another task when he comes in and says he did the table leaves, now what (okay, table pads; good job now do the chairs; great - please put ice in the glasses and pour the water) - why can’t he just do all these things without asking?[/quote]

So what if you flipped this around? If I think of something like adding oil to the car, my husband probably feels the same way you do. I've done it a few times but not enough times to remember it all. So what kind of oil is it? Do they sell that at the gas station? Do I pour the whole bottle in? I can think of other examples of things that he is mostly in charge of. But instead of getting annoyed with each other we either (a) do the tasks that we are each more familiar with (I couldn't operate the grill if my life depended on it, for example) or (b) we provide the necessary steps to the spouse who is willing to help but needs guidance.

I get that "setting a table" should be something you think everyone should do. And maybe some people think adding oil to a car is something everyone should be able to do. I get it if you're talking about changing a kid's diaper or something that you both need to know how to do, but I guess with something like doing the table I'd be willing to let it go and appreciate that he is participating. I mean, who really wanted to host the party in the first place?[/quote]
I totally agree with you but the difference i would assume is you are mature enough after being told a couple times or shown. It wouldnt need to be repeated. [/quote]

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