Reply to tell me about your marriage if both spouses have untreated ADHD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure what you want to know. 
We did fairly well in school and have high paying jobs.  Me because my parents really supported me, and DH because he is brilliant.

You can think of ADHD as the ability to completely shift your focus quickly, which means that it’s easy to lose your keys or burn dinner, but, because of our professions, it’s actually kind of an asset for both of us at work.

Our home is not well organized or well decorated.  We have four kids and often have many other kids over at the house.  The chaos of kids doesn’t get to me.  We don’t have a television because the background noise of television does get to me.

We have a lot of amazing people in our lives that help with stuff.  We have a housekeeper 3-4 days a week who helps keep things organized.  The kids have had some teachers over the years that worked with them on keeping things organized at school.  We have a travel agent that plans vacations and things for us.  We put a lot of things on autopilot as much as possible (bills of course, but also lawn care, window washing, flowers for extended family birthdays, car maintenance, household deep cleaning, etc).

I don’t know.  It’s not perfect, but we are a fun and happy family.  Also, I know that you said “untreated,” but I do take Vyvanse on my days off, and it helps.

Happy to hear this is working out but money and willingness to set up coping mechanisms like this is probably the biggest factor to success…we do twice a month deep cleaning but having someone taking care of household task (huge stressor for those with adhd) 12-16 days a month is insane but awesome. Add in lawn care window cleaning and all the tedious non-preferred tasks costs money but also allows things to run more smoothly. Even flowers! Amazing…seriously no snark.  Have an independent third person do the travel planning is a really good tip (another adhd stressor) and might even save you money because it is easy to forget to book something until last minute which ends up costing more. In sum, gotta have money and spend it on way to offload tasks that are easy for adhd people to forget to make things work well or … both partners need personalities with a lot of patience, understanding, laughter and go with the flow or you might get explosive fights or pent up resentment…

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Agree.

I’m NT, work full time, 2 kids, ADHd spouse unmedicated (unless you count two pots of coffee plus diet cokes each day), and I am constantly optimizing things or tidying as I walk through the house or see issues or needs.

The nanny doesn’t care to do that, maybe move things to one pile, but not organize or optimize or come up with systems that improve the Drop Zone, or the shoe problem, or the drafty window, or container mismatching, or a big envelope for 2023 tax items.

I see the need, know what to do about, and do it. All in 1 minute. Over and over and over. Then I draw the line, and have some fun w the kids. [/quote]

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