Reply to Sigh, I don't know what to do about DH's meanness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why on earth would anyone stay in a marriage like this?!   Way to show your kids how to be a doormat and put up with abuse. [/quote]

Some people don't have an out that doesn't destroy their kids' lives. Financial abuse is a large component of why people stay/take a long time to extricate themselves from abusive relationships.

And as a pp pointed out, co-parenting with an abuser doesn't stop the abuse. It just gives them a new venue.[/quote]

THIS! If I had left the moment I knew he was emotionally abusive I wouldn't have my children but I was young and isolated from friends and family. Each event that happened along the way prolonged the possibility of escape and deepened his issues. One kid, then another, then another. Financial abuse that kept me hamstrung and my own income not being enough to live on with 3 kids. My inability to leave seemed to validate him and his tactics. OP, please consider that as you move forward and carve a path for yourself. Is your strength at trying to fix yourself first sending a message that YOU are the one broken and he doesn't need to fix himself? Of course you can't make him and you absolutely should be getting therapy but an abuser will not change just because you do.
I'm finally getting out because the middle one is a senior and I'll have the ability to downsize when he goes to college. The youngest is in middle school so unfortunately I'll be co-parenting with a narcissist for the next several years. It's already a daily nightmare but at least it's no longer an in-person nightmare.[/quote]

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