Reply to Can anyone please explain the mindset of parents who allow “failure to launch”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an adult sibling who might be considered a failure to launch. He lives at home with my parents and has not worked for the past 2 years. Before that he held a series of short term jobs and at one point, did actually move out, but then moved back home when it became apparent that he wasn't able to manage on his own.

The underlying problem is--at the very least--severe anxiety. Possibly also a learning disability, mood disorder, or executive processing issue. But anxiety is a definite. He has had anger management problems in the past and has said some terrible things to me and my other siblings, to say nothing of how he's treated my parents the past 12 or so years. I do not know if he is getting medicated or seeing a doctor for his anxiety and other issues. He is unpleasant to be around, frankly, and we are not close. Cordial, but distant.

My mom has asked me several times to try and spur him on his way out the door. She's asked me to talk to him and suggest places to move to, because she is desperate to get him out of the house. Thing is, I've tried that already, and it falls on deaf ears... he has to make the decision to leave on his own. Or alternatively, if my parents don't want him living there, they have to take steps to make that happen. But they seem totally incapable of setting any boundaries or ground rules with him at all. The situation is terrible and I hate it, but there's really nothing I can do. I've told my mom to stop asking me to intervene; it's not my problem to fix. DH and I will have to make it clear, when the time comes (which it likely will, my dad has hinted at it...), that we will not be supporting him financially once my parents are no longer able to do so.

So to answer your question PP, I don't know what my parents' mindset is in this situation. I hope for the best but I don't know how it'll end up. It'll be very difficult for the three of them to extricate themselves from the toxic soup of codependency and untreated (or undertreated) mental illness they now find themselves in. Sad all around. [/quote]

I had a much older brother suffer some mental problems in his 50s and move in with my parents.  He is a very nice person, and filled a huge role as parent caregiver when they were elderly.  Literally, he saved my parents (and by default his siblings via inheritance) hundreds of thousands of dollars that would have been spent on either assisted living or in-home nurses.

Maybe he always had these problems, but he managed to live on his own from 21 - 55.[/quote]

How is he now? Gracious of you to see that. Not everyone can. [/quote]

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