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[quote=Anonymous]OP - How is your relationship with your brother?  With his wife?  I'm probably totally off here, but could there be any tension between you and the kids' parents?  Are you friendly with the parents and see them/call them often?  Or are things more strained with them and you are trying to build a relationship with the kids that is independent and separate from them?  If they do not feel you value their parents' relationship, this could be a reason whey they may not see you as someone with whom to be close to.  Kids often see things generationally, and you are an extension of their parents.  In their eyes, it might be weird to have a closer relationship with you themselves versus what you have with their parents.

This is probably not your situation at all, however... when my kids were younger, they used to adore my mother because she used to buy them gifts and take them to the movies, out for ice cream, etc... even when I would say no.  It was source of contention.  Now, they're more like your nieces and nephews... I'd say the are more or less polite, but not overly interested.  However from my perspective... from the day they were born, my mother's relationship with my children was all about her.  When they were babies she'd come and wake them up from a nap so she could spend time with them when she wanted, despite me asking her not to.  She constantly criticized my parenting skills, including around my children... actually yelling/screaming at me that I was doing the wrong thing in front of them.  My kids would ask why grandma always yelled at me.  But she would take them to get ice cream, and so they liked her.  She'd buy them presents that they wanted with the goal of them thinking she was so great for having her be the one to buy them what they wanted instead of me.  From my perspective, every visit was around her schedule and what she wanted to do, with a red carpet rolled out for her.  I encouraged and built the relationship between her and my kids when they were young, despite the way she treated me, sort of out of a sense of obligation.  Her behavior got worse over the years.

Now, she complains to me that my kids don't have the relationship with her that she wants, but at this point I'm just done.  I'm in contact with her, but more or less at arm's length.  My kids are not all that interested in her, but I feel that if they witnessed me having a good relationship with her, and had seen her being, well... more motherly and compassionate towards me, with would feel more compassion towards her.

I could see her writing a post like yours that she had done things like spent time with them and bought them gifts as young children, and now they don't give her a whole lot of attention or appreciation.  That's not the whole story.  Also, it is not your nieces and nephews job to be your substitute kids because you didn't have any or your own, nor should they feel any sense of obligation specifically because of this.  [/quote]

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