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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Triage a lis5 of what needs to be done. And try to do the first thing on the list.  I would think getting the POA would be first.

Do you think she should drive?  If not, this is first on the list.  [/quote]
Thank you. I’m going to follow up with the lawyer and see if he has any ideas for getting it done. I had talked with him before taking her to do my dad’s, and he could see she was too confused to proceed with hers.
Fortunately, her driving seems ok. To my knowledge, she hasn’t gotten lost. She has gone by herself to the grocery, post office and her hairdresser, and made it back in a normal amount of time. When I have taken her places she’s been able to give me directions and knows the streets. [/quote]

NP. Taking control, moving your mother, liquidating her house, etc. - that is not an option from what you describe, since your mom still has capacity to make her own decisions, despite her struggles. If she’s driving and taking herself to appointments, etc. then you will not be able to get guardianship; that would require two physicians to certify that she cannot participate in decision-making. And you cannot get access to her accounts without her agreement and cooperation.

There is no easy path here, but it sounds like you cannot move in with your mom or stay with her indefinitely, and your presence is agitating her, due to her early dementia. I would go home and let the dust settle. She has people to look after her, which is fortunate.

I’m sorry you’re in this very difficult situation.

[/quote]
Thank you. I’m very sadly coming to the conclusion that there’s really nothing I can do right now. Much like happened with my dad, it’s probably going to take a crisis. Witnessing the roller coaster of his suffering for a month was horrific. I haven’t even been able to process it. But at least I thought I was of some comfort and help to him. In that regard it was nothing compared to this.[/quote]

Your mom sounds like a hoarder, which in my experience as a former social worker is associated with a certain amount of baseline paranoia, depression, anxiety and maybe OCD/ASD. Any cognitive decline is being layered on top of all that do you’re facing a very uphill battle. You need to prioritize your own physical and mental health. You can decide to visit every 2-4 months with check-ins, sign her up for meals on wheels to ensure she gets done daily contact but I agree that without a crisis your hands are tied. A crisis could come in three months or three years so just pace yourself. You’re doing your best.[/quote]
Thank you for your kind words and insight—I didn’t know about the connection between these characteristics and hoarding. She definitely has hoarding tendencies, but is also very organized and has a talent for decorating and displaying her “collections,” and keeps things clean and tidy. But she’s unable to get rid of things, even when they’re broken or worn out. She grew up very poor and I suspect there was abuse of some kind. I feel so sorry for her because I can tell she is scared and is aware (at times) that she’s losing touch, and it’s making her more determined than ever to hang onto whatever control she has left. I am lining up resources and tying up the loose ends she will allow me to, so that I can take a break.[/quote]

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