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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my mom is like yours but also adds a splash of “I’m the worst mother!”

Anyway, I told her clearly that I really need to resolve issues and she needs to try to understand my perspective, even if we don’t agree. It went over her head.

I cut off contact for a month. I have never done that. She was incredibly surprised and very alarmed.

I said we need to go to therapy to learn how to talk with each other. She never would have agreed to that but the month cut off scared her.

We are now doing that. We are a tiny bit better.

My mother, like yours, is not able to tune into emotions (ironic given how emotional she gets - it’s a defense mechanism to end arguments, IMO). But, to your point, she loves me and is trying by going to therapy, even though I think actually making progress will be too traumatizing for her, after a lifetime of stuffing down feelings.

Moving forward, I will be mentally distancing myself not from contact but from letting her get to me. I am lowering my expectations. To your point, she loves me but this is beyond what she’s capable of. So, we have to move forward knowing that I can’t change her.

But, the fact that we did the above makes me feel better about things, even if, from an outsider’s perspective things haven’t changed much. [/quote]

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