Reply to How should I deal with emotionally dismissive parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All the PP’s saying “she did the best she could” are misleading the OP. It’s a possibility but we don’t know that. She may be genuinely selfish, or prioritizing a spouse or step-child. [/quote]

It's actually the same thing.  OP's mom is limited.  You are just debating *why* she is limited.[/quote]

Exactly. We aren't saying that it was great. We are saying that parents do the best they can, and sometimes that best is [b]very very far short of what is good or needed.[/b] But no one can go back in time and change that. So, you can waste time in anger and frustration by comparing what happened with what should have happened. Or you can accept it and try to find peace and forgiveness.[/quote]

PP - you are arguing about ways to parent that are "good," and there is a lot of judgment in this thread.  Sometimes people are just "different" and there shouldn't be a value to it (unless there is real abuse).  I have four children, and they all have different personalities.  My own behavior and personality probably was more well received by some of them than others, but that doesn't make me "limited" or emotionally not "supportive" etc.  I sometimes have to work really hard to be patient with one of my kids who has a particular emotional need that is expressed over and over, and sometimes not in healthy ways.  I am "trying my best" to be supportive because I love my child.  If that child comes back and wants to berate me for being emotionally dismissive, I will find that frustrating because I am using all of the tools in my toolbox to try and understand and support them.  But everyone has their limits, and maybe OP's mom is tired of being told that she doesn't measure up.

Don't know if this is true here, but sometimes loving someone means NOT supporting them in their self-deception or unhealthy emotional desires.  [/quote]

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