Reply to Anybody not want kids but have them anyway? (TTC and unsure)

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm also an introvert who thought I would have kids just because that was what people did.  Once I really thought about it, I decided I didn't want any. Fortunately my husband, who did want them, was ok with not having kids. He wasn't a huge kids person and said that he'd rather be childless with me.  I also had a fear of pregnancy and it wasn't something that I ever felt the need to experience.  So as fate would have it, we found out we both had fertility issues.  I was actually relieved to hear that b/c it meant that I would never be pregnant.  We adopted, which was an easy and quick process for us, and then found out that I was pregnant 3 months after we brought our child home.  Whoops. Most people would think that I should've been ecstatic given our earlier fertility woes, but no, I was really upset and cried buckets. I still didn't want to be pregnant and didn't think I wanted a second child.  Fortunately I had an easy pregnancy and delivery, but my husband and I took awhile to bond with our 2nd.  Now I can't believe I put up the fuss that I did.  Both children are the lights of my life!

Having said all that, I think I could've been happy without kids too.  There definitely are certain trade-offs when you have kids, at least for people in our income bracket.  And as someone here once said, having kids is relentless!  But mine are almost 2.5 and almost 4.5 and they can play together nicely at least some of the time. They genuinely enjoy each other's company and they seek each other out as soon as they get up.  They can go upstairs and play by themselves (though when it gets too quiet, we have to check on them!), but I know that not all siblings have that same kind of relationship.  We've had our share of jealousy and fights for sure.

Sometimes parenting can really suck.  I think a lot of people are afraid admit that. Even here on DCUM if someone says they're having a hard time, they're immediately jumped on by 20 people saying they shouldn't have had kids, etc.  But if at times you feel like parenting isn't fun, you're not alone.  It's not a perfect, roses and unicorns all the time kind of thing. Nothing is. Not work, not marriage, etc.  And I've had to readjust my way of looking at it; it's not going to be easy all the time, but there are many true moments of joy where you'll look at your kids and your heart will burst.  I've learned to find happiness and contentment just watching my kids play quietly together, or if one says something funny and the other looks at their sibling and laughs.

Good luck![/quote]

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