Reply to DW doesn’t understand how a sexless marriage effects me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m wondering what OP can do to lighten her load. My DH have been strategizing together how to make time for sex and it has led to a renaissance between us after a long dry spell. Things can and do shift. [/quote]

I think this is good but the unfortunate thing is that it seems like OP and his wife have already gotten themselves into this situation where she feels like he is demanding sex or pestering her for sex, and so if he says "hey how about I do more dishes so you'll have sex with me" it's going to make the whole thing feel very transactional. Like he can't just do something for her because she needs it or deserves it, it is ultimately going to seem like it's all about him and what he wants from her. And, I mean, for good reason, because that's what it would be. It doesn't sound like he is terribly concerned about making her sex life good. [/quote]

There is no amount of housework OP can do to make his wife interested in having sex with him.

[/quote]

I mean, maybe there is. Some low sex marriages are that way simply because the wife doesn't have enough time to feel her libido. But there are lots of reasons for low libido and this is only one of many. I feel like this gets thrown out as a solution way more often than is appropriate. (And when the low-libido wife throws it out as a solution; if it doesn't work, it looks very self-serving and can create some real trust issues.) [/quote]

I'm the PP who pushed back a little on your statement, and I agree with you. There are so many times when the wife isn't having sex just because she can't enjoy it at all if the house is not clean. My husband is actually like this (I have a way higher tolerance for mess), and on more than one occasion when we had toddlers I made an extra effort to clean so he could relax and be more in the mood. [/quote]

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