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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m gay. One of my sisters is a lesbian. Our other siblings (we have a large family) are all straight. On one hand I say don’t feel ashamed. On the other hand this is your legitimate feeling and I don’t want to dismiss this, but this has nothing to do with your kids. You need to see a therapist as to why you feel this way and work through it.  And obviously never share this with them. [/quote]

+100 to this.  It's the answer.  Therapy.  OP sounds like she's in the "I'm fine with gay people as long as they're not my kids" camp.  This is homophobia.

I'm assuming OP is gen X like me.  It takes time to let go of the shame.  Therapy helps.  I needed it for myself.  We grew up in a time where the height of gay acceptance (and apparently "comedy") was talking about gay people on Seinfeld and following up with "not that there's anything wrong with that.   
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHOTnC_KbSc[/youtube]

We grew up in a time where Ellen was cancelled because she came out as a lesbian.
https://www.thepinknews.com/2016/11/28/this-is-how-ellens-show-got-cancelled/

We grew up in a culture where "the bad guy" in a movie is either caught at the end of a movie or killed by the police in a violent shoot out.  Unless they're a trans woman.  In that case, the "bad girl" (in this case) is humiliated, stripped down to her underwear (basically sexuality assaulted), and people puke because they kissed her.  This was the height of comedy in the 90's.
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCwjyTg5p2g[/youtube]

This is why so many in gen X feel shame and embarrassment about being queer, knowing queer people, or having queer kids.  You were socialized into this environment.  It was systemic homophobia that was embedded in our daily lives.[/quote]

Totally true.
I have a sister who has a trans kid and one thing that infuriates her is that there is definitely a large subset of Gen-Xers who do not have gay or trans kids who are “totally fine” with gay and trans people and are “absolutely supportive” of the LGBTQ+ community. And yet not a one of them actually has a gay or trans CHILD so they have NO idea how it actually feels to be a GenXer parent of a child on this community. 
And it’s not like she can say anything to them when the (often condescendingly) try to offer their “support” or well-meaning advice to “just love your kid” because she knows that and does that!! But it’s such a smug thing when parents who do not love this experience try to tell other parents how they should feel. (Yes—she gets not to express all the things she feels and struggles with TO her child or even ti anyone outside of me and like one other close friend. And it’s not like she wants to feel any type of way but happy. But it’s not a simple thing. And those who know—like OP—just know.)[/quote]

People without queer kids or a queer experience definitely shouldn’t be giving advice to people with queer kids or to queer people about how they should live their lives. It’s like when your childless friends start giving advice on how to raise kids. Sometimes you just wish they would stop talking.[/quote]

Especially when they don't have to live with the constant swings of behavior, all the ways you can be wrong without knowing it, and having everything(!) be about the trans experience. I couldn't even lay my father to rest without having to jump through multiple trans hoops, last minute. My own grief and the grief of his 97 year old sister was supposed to take a back seat. Even when I'm supportive, I'm doing it wrong. I'm just tired now.[/quote]

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