Reply to If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?

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Reply to "If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  These are helpful perspectives. In my case, I don't think our marriage will improve when the kid is older because the kid is the thing that brings us joy as a couple. We do really like spending time together as a family, but don't spend much time together outside of the kid. Once she's out of the house, I cannot imagine that we will want to stay together.  We want to live in totally different climates, we want to do totally different things in retirement, etc.  We don't have a lot of conflict right now, but once our kid has launched, there really won't be anything binding us to one another.  For example, he wants to move to a colder environment and I can't imagine moving because of him and he can't imagine staying here because of me. We have really different desires for the next phase of our lives, and compromising for one another feels weird when there's no real connection between us.

I don't think we would ever put our kid in the middle, make her feel badly, talk trash about one another, fight about supporting her, etc. When it comes to how we treat our kid, we are really aligned.  I think we'd be fine, for example, visiting her at college together and we'd work to make sure that she has equal time with each of us over summers, vacations, etc. (e.g. even if my partner moves, I think he'd come to the DMV for her school vacations so that she could see both of us and her friends, and I would support her going to his location when that makes sense too).[/quote]

Op, isn’t retirement really far off if your kid is so young? Anything could happen before then. If you are miserable and have tried to fix the marriage, divorce, but this daydreaming about a distant future apart is corrosive to the marriage in the present.[/quote]

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