Reply to If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?

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Reply to "If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can’t answer your op, I’m not in that situation but cannot let this PP go uncommented.[/quote]

And then when you do it to kids in college, with all those pressures they already face they have to grapple with the idea that their entire childhood was a lie. [/quote]

What lie?

One parent was an actual parent and the other was awol work addict.

They already knew that. They already have a shallow relationship in labor only with the awol parent. Neither don’t have to see their active parent shackled to that.[/quote]

Exactly. Not PP but dramatic much? What lie am I telling by deciding to stay together for THEIR happiness until they are an adult? Kid is happy that we live under one roof. Kid is happy not to be in a "divorced" home. There is no arguing, there is no abuse.

But the fact of the matter is that as soon as kid is an adult I will pursue divorce. I am not nor will I ever be happy as a couple with spouse - and tbh the absence of kid in household will be a death knell as this is the only reason I'm here. Why am I unhappy? I can list a variety of reasons:

Unwillingness of spouse to even acknowledge issues or go to counseling - says expectations are too high - in everything - marriage, household cleanliness, timely repairs or to-dos - I'm just an overachiever.

Having to do all emotional labor regarding any household activity - cleaning/repairs/dr appts/shopping, etc. 
Do you think shampoo and soap is magically transported to our bathroom? Do you think vitamins or food are teleported to the kitchen? Who cleans that bathroom and kitchen? Who has to stay home with sick kid? Who has to shuffle around work schedule for the 10th new job of spouse so kid can be picked up or taken to activities? And who pays for any and all extracurricular activities including vacations? Who does all of it - while also working full time - that's me.

Spouse never wants to leave house but is snarky and gives silent treatment whenever I want to do something without them or "family" and "family" is weaponized and I am considered selfish if I want to take a day for myself to do anything for only me.

Leaves half finished or unfinished projects undone - for YEARS but if asked about it, I am nagging. But yet not allowed to hire professional because "we can do that ourselves". By not allowed I mean I can but will get silent treatment or attitude for weeks for calling a landscaper or plumber.

Every item in household purchased from my own monies - every piece of furniture, picture, kid clothing, shoes, lamp, book - everything. Spouse gives set amount to household acct for "bills" and never offers to provide any other support - financial or otherwise for "extras". I guess groceries and clothes are luxury items.
Anytime I dare bring up a topic I am iced out, cursed out or told them I'm crazy and spouse threatens to move 3000 miles away to "family" with kid. Likely won't happen but 50/50 custody most likely would.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. So no - we don't argue. And I put on a good face for my kid everyday so he can be joyful and not worry about adult issues. I participate in family events and smile and I am secretly counting down to the last second when I no longer have to live with anyone. I don't have any Prince Charming fantasies - mine only consist of getting away from my spouse.

[/quote]

This does not fall in the amiable but unhappy marriage bucket. This is no way to live. Would he manage a small apartment and custody time OK or is he too out of it?[/quote]

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