Reply to Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s up to your son. This is his achievement, not your. [/quote]

I will be candid since this is anonymous. I totally disagree with you. It is also my achievement. Raising him by myself with no money from his dad. Were it not for me, he is not in college, let alone graduating. Were it up to his father, he'd possibly be in jail. Who knows.[/quote]
I agree with you, but most on here don't because they have no skin in the game.
Financially or emotionally. 
I get where you are coming from 100%, no need to apologize for it either.
Congrats to you. It is your achievement too.
When my mom single-handedly raised me and I graduated from college, I told her that this degree was "our" degree and achievement! 
I hung it in her den. It was the best way I could think of to thank her.
Man here btw.[/quote]

I agree and those who truly did this alone get you OP. You should feel very proud of what you've helped your son accomplish. There is nothing that the deadbeat can say or do to take that away from you. Here is my advice though, as someone who graduated from college under similar circumstances.

Do not, under any circumstances, tell your son that he cannot, or should not invite his father. Bite your tongue, and go to therapy to talk it through and make a plan for how you will handle seeing him and the new wife and playing nice. Here is why. No, the jerk does not deserve to pretend to have been a caring dad all along, but, he will sail in, with his new wife, bestowing gifts, hugs and the love and affection your son has been missing from this man for the past 22 years. You said son is a pushover. He will eat that right up. You will get hurt about it, potentially say something ugly, and you will be the one who ruined his graduation and at a time when he's a new adult and looking to be a man and separate from his parents. This will drive that natural separation even more and then, when he does feel compelled to reach out for some parental advice, he's going to call dad and the new wife.

Good luck OP, I get how you feel and my mother could have written the same post. Do your very best to hold it in around your son and ex, vent to your BFF and therapist.[/quote]

I don't make scenes. I have been in the same room with him, his wife, and my son a handful of occasions. It's just specific to this milestone, which cost me a lot of sweat, money and sacrifices, I'm not okay with it. It's a bridge too far. [b]I'm not going along with his con game and it's a slap in the face to me and what I've done to get my son this far.[/b][/quote]

I'm the PP you're responding to here and I understand how you feel, but I am just saying - tread carefully. This is a story that has played out many many, times and the martyr single mother pretty much NEVER wins here. Because to you, the win you seek is your ex being shut out and the whole world knowing that the ex was a deadbeat and that you did it all yourself and that you should deserve all the praise and glory. This win, that your son already knows full well, will HURT your son publicly. No one wants the world to know how messed up your parent is, or that you were somehow not worthy enough for that dad to stay in your life and support you all those years. No one wants to be at their graduation and have a friend say, "where's your dad?" and then you have to respond "my mom didn't want me to invite him" or "he couldn't make it." You winning here absolutely has the potential to damage your son's ego in the process and push him away from you. How is it a slap in the face if he posts on facebook that he's so proud to see little Johnny graduate from Harvard? You don't win some prize for this. Your prize is your son, who has made it thus far, and no matter who is there or not, you should be proud of him and proud of yourself. No one can take that away. [/quote]

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