Reply to Discipline for excessive crying

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A couple thoughts for you, from someone who has gone through toddler hell and come out the other side.

[quote]She will literally cry for hours until and unless you do exactly what she wants or I get so frustrated I distract/redirect her, which only works some of the time.[/quote]

This makes me wonder how often you change your no to a yes. Or if you can sometimes be worn down to start offering bribes (“Want more snack? Would watching a show help you feel better? If you stop crying, you can go with Mommy to Starbucks and get a hot chocolate.”) Basically, I wonder if what started as legitimate high-needs behavior is getting reinforced and rewarded.

You also mention that she will follow you from room to room, weeping wailing. What happens when she does? Do you interact with her? (“Larla, you need to stop crying. Larla! Take deep breaths. Larla, let’s breathe together. Iiiiin and ouuuuuuut.”) Or do you cheerfully go about your business? (“Mommy is going into the family room to fold this laundry. Hmmm, I wonder where the other blue sock is.”)

My two cents would be to help her name her feelings (“You’re thinking about how good a sandwich would taste right now, and are frustrated that I can’t make one while I’m driving”), but don’t get sucked into the theatricality they generate. Acknowledge them, but don’t try to solve them. (“I like sandwiches too. Wouldn’t it be great if we could push a button in the car and have it make us a sandwich?”)

“How to Talk So Kids Will Listen” is an oldie but a goodie. Consistency is hard, but so important. Above all, don’t negotiate with terrorists. Give her tons of attention when she’s calm, but grey rock when the dramatics start. [/quote]

I’m one of the posters above with an ASD daughter and How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen and other books that suggest naming feelings does NOT work for my child. Honestly, none of the typical parenting advice works for her. She has a nervous system disability, and you have to do everything differently. Once I did, everything got better, but I didn’t start doing things differently until my daughter was 4 and it nearly killed us. I’m not being dramatic.[/quote]

So what did you do differently?![/quote]

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