Reply to What to say to relative who drinks too much when visiting?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]-Stop inviting them. 
-Stop going to the celebration where they’re going to be. 
-Tell the person that they ruin every holiday when they get drunk and pick fights and that’s why you’re not attending or not inviting them.

If you think there is an easy solution here, there isn’t. This person is allowed to continue with this behavior because you and others don’t do anything. Either cut them out or cut yourself out. Those are your choices. If you don’t want to do either of those, then you forfeit your right to be bothered by it because you’re enabling it. 
[/quote]
OP: you’re totally right. I’m ready. I just need the words to use. And I’m not sure how to respond when she says that I’m wrong if nuts/or just don’t like her. She yells at her husband too when she drinks. Should I say something to him first?[/quote]

Not the person you are responding to, but are others in the family on the same page as you or are they enablers? If they are enablers, they may take her side, which is fine, but be prepared for a much needed rift. You may want to prepare in therapy if you think it will tear the family apart. Regardless, you simply calmly tell her you care about her and you are very concerned. Then explain why you cannot invite her until she is has achieved sobriety. Expect denial. Expect anger. Expect her to play the victim and make you the bad guy. Remain calm and get off the phone. Be prepared to be a back sheep because you had the audacity to sound the alarms. Don't be surprised if things get worse for her and people try to blame you. Dysfunctional families gonna be dysfunctional until people get help.[/quote]

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