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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.

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Curious….you say it takes a certain type of person to look past ASD. Can you share more of your thoughts on that? What kind of mental setup do you need to have to be able to deal with an ASD spouse easily?[/quote]

DP, but similar marriage story. I agree with her, I think it just takes a certain amount of self confidence and patience. My husband isn't great at communicating, it took him a year and a half to say ILY for example. It took him a long time to figure out he wanted to get married. He is very quiet around other people and is not great at, for example, making couple friends, because it takes a long while to get to know him.

So if my love language was like, words of affirmation for example, it would be EXTREMELY difficult to be with him. Because those are extremely difficult for him to give. My DH and I are extraordinarily compatible, for whatever reason, but there are things he does that I know would drive other people absolutely INSANE. Both of his BILs are divorced because their significant others really couldn't deal with these things.

I'd like to note though that while it might take a special kind of person to look past this issues (I actually wouldn't phrase it this way, more like a special kind of person to work well with these issues, which is also true for anyone, IE, I would be miserable with some extremely extroverted person who wanted to drag me out every night), it also takes the ASD person being self aware enough to understand their own issues and try to meet their partner halfway. No relationship works if one person is overlooking things constantly. My husband is always trying to show me that he appreciates me and loves me not just for me but for how I accept him. Words of affirmation are hard for him so I don't get them often, but he gives them to me when I say I need them. It isn't a situation where I'm on an island just forced to accept him as he is, we are always both trying to be better for each other. [/quote]

I suspect my exDH has mild ASD, one of my kids has it too.

Someone who is with him would have to be ok with minimal emotional engagement and depth. No concept of guilt or empathy. Very intelligent IQ-wise (low EQ) so good income. But was controlling and it got to be too much for me. No cheating. I left and felt like I could finally breathe. He does ok with fatherhood but is very rigid and not that warm.[/quote]

PP how old are you? Did you remarry? What’s it like co-parenting with your ex?[/quote]

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