Reply to Husband’s texts when I was out of town

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Learn to gray rock, OP. We can't change other people.

Is he open to a neurophysch avail? If not, learn to detach. Under 1 or 2 roofs, you need this skill and don't have it.

Model being non-reactive yourself. [/quote]

Ok, thanks. No he is not open to neuropsych.

I’ve tried grey rock. I’ve tried also placating him and giving him everything he wants. Both result in escalation of this behavior. He is very needy and if he doesn’t get attention he creates drama. The only thing that has helped so far is getting a male therapist from the same background as him, and actually being quite direct with him about what behavior I won’t tolerate anymore (eg threats, harassment, shouting/screaming, all of the above in front of the kids). That has cut down a lot of the issues. So while I don’t want to be confrontational, I feel like firm boundaries in this situation are a must.

Several therapists who I showed our correspondence to suggested BPD as a possible diagnosis. Whether there is a mental health component or not is irrelevant to the boundary issue.

It took me a lot of emotional energy to persist in confronting him to the degree necessary to set these boundaries. I do not want to keep putting that in, but I don’t want to keep dealing with the explosive rage. If you have more suggestions on how you’d frame this to yourself to maintain both detachment and boundaries, that would help.[/quote]

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