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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I wonder if it’s worth distinguishing two types of “sucks the air out of the room” people. I see both types in this thread. The causes might be different.

1. Talk constantly about themselves. I know two women who fall into this category, one a childhood neighbor and one a neighbor/friend of 20 years. Both will talk your ear off for an hour, usually about their complicated work or other problems, until they ask a basic question about you. When they meet you, they sort of heave a sigh of relief and jump right into the latest complicated work or other issues, complete with a whole cast of characters you’ve never met and can’t keep straight, and these are never uplifting or fun stories. As my sister once said about a visit with one of them, “she had a lot to say, and she said it all.”  Neither has many or any other friends, and you can sort of understand why.  The reasons? I know for sure one is on Prozac, and I’ve heard that can make people talk a lot. But also, insecurity, depression, and that not having other friends thing.

2. I’m the life of the party whether you want me to be or not. My sister falls into this category. She will go on about how cool her nyc friends are and how wonderful her husband is. She frequently tells me I’m jealous of her. (Hardly: she’s isolated in the countryside, her “cool” friends are mostly alcoholics and I’m not making that up, her husband seems checked out, and I’d take my kids and life over hers in a heartbeat). Honestly, I think this is also insecurity and loneliness. She’s trying to win over my kids by being the cool aunt, and trying to win my friends.

So both stem from insecurity and loneliness. What’s the difference? One is needing a friend to confide in, and the other is trying to win friends by being the life of the party. Both are misguided because they drive people away, but the second seems particularly misguided to me.

Obviously I’ve had a lot of time to think about this while these people in my life do their things…. I guess I don’t mind hearing out the first group, in limited doses. But the life-of-the-party types seem especially transparent and annoying to me.

YMMV! Advice welcome! [/quote]

Another lengthy air-sucker with faux-humility. “YMMV! Advice welcome!” Please.[/quote]

Actually I’m usually the quiet one on the room. Which gives me a lot of time to develop these thoughts.

You have issues of your own. [/quote]

NP. I’m an introvert and a writer. No, great tracts of text do not prove what a deep thinker you are. They prove you are judgmental and suck the air out of the room. [/quote]

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