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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD is 23.  Most of her friends have been raped.  She herself has been assaulted twice, forced to have sex by someone she was alone with willingly.  Both times she was drunk.

What has your young adult's experience been?

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DD 23 - Many of her friends with similar experiences. DD is supportive of them, but also shared this info. DD was thinking about going on a date with a guy in one of her classes senior year. Her roommate told her that someone she knew had ‘hooked up’ with him freshmen year. DD reached out to her to get some intel and see if she was okay with DD going out with him (they weren’t close friends but knew one another thru roommate). The girl said yes - told her it was just a drunk hookup, one time, several years prior and he/she never actually dated. DD and the guy hit it off and became serious. After a couple months the roommate’s friend told DD that she was uncomfortable being around DD because she was with the BF and he had raped her freshmen year. She said she was thinking about going to file a title IX complaint.

DD asked her why she didn’t share that info when DD had asked her about the guy prior to dating him. Instead she had urged DD to respond to the guy’s texts and encouraged DD to go out with him. The girl told DD she hadn’t thought about it for several years but when DD asked her about him, it made her re-analyze what had happened and now she felt it had been non-consensual sex.

DD felt horrible. The BF felt even worse. He talked through his recollection of that evening with DD when she shared this new info with him and was trying to figure out what could’ve led to her feeling that it had been non-consensual.

DD says if a girl says it’s rape then it’s rape. But she also doesn’t believe that her BF is a rapist. I don’t understand how both statements can be true.[/quote]

I think there are a lot of older women who, upon re-evaluating their previous experiences, are able to identify experiences that were not truly consensual. Situations where 18/19yo have a confusing sexual encounter are really common. It's entirely possible that your daughter's BF made another young woman feel really uncomfortable several years ago. False allegations are nowhere near as common as apologists like to make it seem.[/quote]

I dated a guy close to 20 years ago who had a terrible habit of over sharing about women he’d dated previously (we didn’t date for very long).  Anyway he told me about a “bad” sexual experience with a woman where she just lay there, didn’t move at all. He said he didn’t go out with her again.

At the time I just thought it was a weird thing to talk about but in retrospect I wondered if it was not consensual and she froze and waited for it to be over.  This guy was sweet but more than a little oblivious; I firmly believe he would not have forcibly raped someone, but also a woman would have had to say no firmly and mean it for him to stop. Mixed signals like saying no meekly and continuing to kiss would have been very confusing for him. He was kind of old school in his thinking and would have chalked it up to saying no but meaning yes/reading body language not listening to words kind of thing. I’m not in any way saying that’s what happened, just something I wondered about later.

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