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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mean is subjective.  What exactly are the girls and moms doing you find to be so mean, OP? [/quote]

- Excluding other girls
- Making fun of other girls or boys (verbally or in notes/pictures that are passed around the classroom)
- Telling kids not to play with or be friends with certain girls or boys.

It feels weird to be an adult referring to a 9 year old as a “mean girl.”  I don’t think they are bad kids.  They are just navigating the culture of the classroom in a way that works best for them.  
I don’t think the moms are bad people either.  They don’t deliberately set out to hurt people.  They just see the world in terms of these social hierarchies and are trying to come out on top.

[/quote]

Find me the kids and adults including everyone, never making fun of anyone, playing with everyone, and I’ll find you people who are only being nice on the surface (called out as mean by someone earlier on this thread) or a doormat who doesn’t walk away when hurt by someone else being mean.

Find me the kid telling everyone to play with everyone, and I’ll show you a girl who’s unable to empathize with very normal kids, dismissing of their feelings, and/or being judgmental.[/quote]

I don’t know how to explain it to you, but your worldview is a self fulfilling prophecy.  You are unconsciously causing this to happen.

Your expectation is that everyone is gossiping and forming cliques.  You don’t want to end up being gossiped about or find yourself out of the group, so you find ways to put yourself on top by gossiping and forming cliques yourself.  You feel like being a mom of an elementary schooler is like being on Survivor because you are making it that way.

Probably that’s what you saw your mom doing when you were growing up.  She probably gossiped to you about other girls or other families, and you just think that’s what people do.

But whenever you aren’t there, there are groups of people who just aren’t like this.  They don’t gossip and are open minded about being friends with anyone.  I would say that most adults are like this.  People talk about books and movies and kids and money and religion.

Most people really aren’t jealous of other adults or waiting for them to make a misstep so they can gossip about it.

[/quote]

No, I don’t expect everyone to gossip or form cliques. I also don’t expect everyone to always get along. Not everyone will be friends or play with everyone. Not everyone who does something mean is mean all the time. No one is genuinely friends with everyone[/quote]

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