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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP and I haven't read the replies, but I'm giving you mine.

DH and I met in law school and we both started out in Big Law, then I got the consulting job of my dreams so I did that. We had no family nearby. When we decided to have kids, it became clear that something had to give or we'd have to nanny out our kids. I decided to SAH because my job involved too much travel, and even if I went part-time it wouldn't work.

In our situation, DH could really concentrate on work, and because of that, he became a much bigger deal than he otherwise would.  It's the same old annoying story, that man who is wildly successful but supported by a woman (or women) who is running everything non-work-related in his life.  This model works but yes, there is a bit of invisibility in the job. (my job).

We had some rough times (miscarriage, SN kid, cancer, DH depression at one point, parent illnesses and deaths, mentally unstable teen), but while I felt I was too rusty to re-enter my field, I never felt vulnerable financially partly because of the way we invested our money, but mostly because my DH is the kind of person that would not leave me or us out financially even if the marriage did not work out. He's not mean, hostile, or vindictive, so a bad situation would not trigger that response in him. So my point here is, since it is a financial risk for you, you have to be honest with yourself about your DH's character.

Also, I'll say something that really helped our marriage early on when we had a toddler and an infant. I stopped giving him "the second shift" --basically the honey-do list when he came home. That took a lot of pressure off him, and I think subconciously, made him want to come home, and he found ways to come home earlier. Basically, I just decided to create an environment where he'd want to come home.  At work, he's got pressure and the work is never-ending, but also, he had a bunch of people fawning all over him, and both those things contribute to workaholism.  While that can be intoxicating, it's still not as good as when your loved ones are excited to see you walk through the door.

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary and were at a hotel and the young staff kept asking us what the secret was.  We hadn't reflected on that, so we discussed it at dinner.  We decided that it was that we:
1) both considered ourselves lucky to have the other, and 
2) both tried hard to be worthy of the other. 
That mentality definitely requires adoption by both indivdiuals; it won't work one-sided.  But if your marriage has that, then that's a good indicator that you can take the SAH leap of faith.

Good luck, OP!
[/quote]

I think this is a great response and would add one thing.  The woman (and it’s nearly always the woman) really needs to be ok that the husband got it “have it all”.  Professional success and accolades, intellectual stimulation, respect of professional peers and that network, and also the family and kids and all the rewards that brings later in life to have raised kids well in a healthy and happy home environment.  Including adult kids who really respect the professional parent and seek that person out for that type of advice exclusively.  If you can do this with zero resentment (very possible), it can work out well.[/quote]

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