Reply to Should I ask my husband about chat saved from a female asking him out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I use our phones fairly interchangeably. I’m not going to find my phone upstairs if his is right beside me and I need to google something. Heck, our 11 year old knows our phone passwords. We have nothing to hide on there. But I also don’t consider it snooping when I’m away from my phone and my husband says “hey, your sister just texted.” I’m sure he glanced at the content that flashed up.

But back to the OP. I am super curious about what this invite really was. For example, we joined a swim and tennis club last summer and my husband is pretty good. I don’t play. Two different women I know (whose husbands don’t play) asked my husband to play with them in a mixed doubles tournament. I certainly wasn’t worried they were trying to steal my husband or that he would cheat. [/quote]

This is how my ex-spouse and I were and it gave me a total false sense of security.

He didn’t text or call through his cell.  Their communication was all through Skype internet messaging/voice or other internet app which were not stored on his cell.

I would have likely discovered cheating much much earlier except I felt he was an open book.  We shared passwords and an Apple ID account.

Burner emails are common too.[/quote]

I think that different people have different privacy needs, and that's fine. That's what should drive the expectations of privacy in a relationship. It is also true that an open-phone policy doesn't mean you know everything there is to know about your partner. DH and I are totally comfortable with the other seeing what is on our phones (we do have some baseline respect about privacy implications for others in text messages though), and I think my husband is very smart and tech savvy and would never cheat in a way that could be discovered by looking through his phone.

On the other hand I am a bit careless and would totally do something stupid that would tip off my husband about an affair. That's why it's a good thing I'll never have an affair!

Anyway, OP, I don't know what you should do. In your shoes I would ask because I couldn't keep something like that inside, but maybe it's not the smartest way forward if you think it would just encourage him to be smarter about covering his tracks. [/quote]

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