Reply to Anyone else just stop initiating or asking for sex from their partner?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im another woman who is in a sexless marriage but dont want to divorce bc of kids at home. I decided to find someone else in a similar situation and have sex with them. It might work for some, but it didnt work for me.

Like pp said, I also fell for this person as more than just a sex partner. I even specifically chose someone with a life so very different from mine re: location in the dmv, kids, career, lifestyle, etc. Because I know that in “the real world” this person just wouldn't fit with me where I am now in life. But I started fantasizing what it would be like if we were really together. I dont know how you can be sleeping with and spending time with someone, basically dating them, and not fall for them. At least I cant.

I ended things w this person pretty quickly bc after sleeping w them. I realized that even entertaining the thought that sleeping with someone else in order to “save my marriage” is ridiculous. But doing so really made me reflect and realize that a lot is missing from my marriage that I was ignoring.

I havent told my dh and never will. There is no way in which his knowing will help our marriage. But I am finally being honest w him about what I need that is missing from our marriage.[/quote]

What is it that’s missing from your marriage? Are the things you need definable, like, I need one Saturday a month on my own and you need to cook 3 nights a week?

I am more after feelings and vibes but those can’t be evoked unless they are truly felt and I don’t know how to get them moving again.

If I told my husband I want him to be funny, happy and flirty like used to be he would look at me like I had two heads. I’m 99% sure that if I found someone decent enough to sleep with I would be head over heels in minutes so then I would just have to deal with a shell of a marriage along with a broken heart, no thanks.  
  
Making peace with a ho-hum existence makes me sort of ill but I can’t figure out a way through.  
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I think this is a situation where marriage counseling can help because people reach this point of crisis (like I did) and then it may be way too late.  Like get help while it is “ho hum” before someone gets depressed and has an affair.  A neutral third party can give a bit of a jolt.[/quote]

I’ve suggested a marriage counselor/coach whatever but spouse does not want to go, I think I’m going to need to draw a line in the sand, it might wreck things but this ain’t workin. 
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