Reply to I think my marriage may be over

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Catching up on all the feedback. I appreciate it all. Even the harsh feedback.

To address some things that have come up, I’ve been in therapy for at least 6 mos and we’ve been in marriage counseling for a year.

I’m not depressed (I’ve inquired). My husband may be but will never go on meds due to his profession (and maybe he’s not).

I come from a very stable family, have a very strong circle of friends, etc. My husband is more of a loner. He would say he has strong connections, but they appear surface-level or at least they are not people who are part of his everyday life. He’s estranged from most of his family. I think his world mostly revolves around our child and me.

Of course I have baggage. I don’t want my parents’ marriage. They’ve been married for more than 50 years, but they really don’t spend time together. My mother treats my father horribly. I feel as though we’re on that path.

I also have no doubt that my husband will or could find someone quickly. He is a catch in many respects. I know I may end up alone. But is that really a reason to stay married? [b]When our child is gone, what will we talk about? We never had hours of endless talking.[/b]

I married him for all the reasons people are saying I should stay in this marriage. He’s a good provider. Attentive. Kind. Yes! I recognize aaaaall the good qualities![/quote]

Re: the bold: YOU CAN CHANGE THIS. Start doing things together that don't involve your child. You mentioned early in the thread that vacations are a thing you do. Well, hell, you have one kid; that makes it easier to find one weekend of sitting and going somewhere interesting, not just for sex, OP, but to build some freaking memories only with your DH. Do you and he really have absolutely zero interests in common? None whatsoever? You have to make an effort to build some experiences as a couple (even close to home, and simply) and then talk about those. All your vague complaints, and just dealing with this one thing -- "we'll have nothing to talk about when we're old!" -- is doable but only if you and he actually try to see each other as people who might be interesting human beings. Not just as husband and wife, dad and mom, boring and bored. Surely you got married not only because attentive/kind/provider but also because he must have had SOMETHING in common with you--??

The more you post the more you seem determined to stay in a rut of "Yes, objectively he's great, but where are my butterflies?" Why are you even in therapy if you haven't been talking there about this? [/quote]

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