Reply to Christmas—Is this selfish of me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH, for the first time since we’ve had children, will have to be on-call for Christmas. Technically he will be home, perhaps all day, but he runs a 50/50 chance of having to leave at a moment’s notice. I’m debating what’s fair not only for myself and my feelings on Christmas, considering the chance he may have to leave. It is regarding my ILs.

ILs are great, I love them and we get along fine in favorable circumstances. But they are sometimes overwhelming and expect to be treated as guests at all times.

I’m just picturing what the day will look like if they make the over-an-hour drive to our house and then five minutes later, DH gets called in. I really don’t want to have to deal with hosting them on top of [b]my own disappointment and tending to the disappointment of my small children. I’d rather be alone if he has to leave.[/b]

Or, with that said, I’m also considering inviting my own parents over later in the afternoon, after presents are opened, to celebrate our own Christmas. If DH is there, great. If not, that’s ok! This also leaves a completely open schedule to otherwise plan when to celebrate with ILs on one of DH actual days off. Plus my parents are just helpful.

DH said it sounds fine, and he won’t even tell his parents he’s on call and they can just assume he is working and I’m visiting with my family, and he will in advance plan when we will celebrate with his family to circumvent any expectations for the 25th. [b]His mind is primarily focused on working that day, as he assumes he will be doing, so he isn’t giving this the emotional fortitude I am[/b]!

Does this sound reasonable, or does this seem selfish on my part?[/quote]

First, yes, just have your DH make a plan with his parents another day. Two Christmases. Yay!

Second, be cautious about what messages you are giving your kids. What is your DH's job? I grew up with doctor parents and one or the other of them had to go to work on many holidays when I was young. I don't recall "disappointment" just a matter of fact understanding that other people got sick or hurt on the holidays and usually one of my parents had to be there. Often we were up early enough that they could stay for gifts before heading out, but sometimes they left in the middle of the night on Christmas eve. Then we would either do gifts without them or wait for their return, when we would "surprise" them with everything we got.

We were kids getting presents and we were happy. The parent left at home was happy. Your kids will take their cue from you. [/quote]

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