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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I'm a female virgin at 43, so I'm going to say that I hope it's not a terrible red flag!

I tend to also say "it just never happened" when asked by people I don't know well. In truth, it just didn't happen in my teens or early 20s and then in my later 20s I had this notion that I wanted to be in love my first time (insert eyeroll). I went on a lot of first and second dates in my late 20s and early 30s and never heard from them again when I refused to have sex that early. Eventually, one man assaulted me when I said no and I just stopped trying.

Now I've done a boat load of therapy, consider myself happy and healed, and am actively dating. I'm not waiting for marriage, or love, or even commitment, but I do want to feel comfortable and I think that is going to take longer than 2-3 dates to develop. I've had that conversation with two men in recent months and both times they were (surprisingly to me) very understanding. It didn't happen in either of those cases because I decided we weren't good fits for other reasons.

I hate that my lack of sex in my teens and early 20s is now (to some) this "red flag" that means there must be something wrong with me.[/quote]

A woman who did not have the curiosity or the physical need to have sex....EVER...is unlikely to be much of a sexual partner at 43. It's called a sex DRIVE for a reason.[/quote]

Believe me, I spent years in therapy trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I'm not asexual, and I do have a sex drive. But I had super low self esteem and a belief that nobody would ever want to be with me. Dating has actually been super therapeutic and healing. Glad I haven't come across anyone like you yet.[/quote]

Don’t give up!  I have not (43m).  I have been on various antidepressants that killed my libido for 14 plus years, that’s my fairly straightforward reason.  Everyone has a story.[/quote]

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