Reply to BIL/kids visiting for Thanksgiving; grandparents don’t want to bow out to a hotel

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Say your house is a three bedroom house. Each couple gets a room (in-laws, cousin/fiancee, you). Kids all sleep in sleeping bags in a common area, and throw your BIL a couch. It's easily done and doesn't have to be a ton of drama.[/quote]

This is what I'd do.[/quote]

OP does not like the IL, she asked them to bow out to accommodate a random cousin and fiancé. Talk about creating unnecessary strain in a relationship.[/quote]

OP has already said she was going to ask if she could pay for cousin and fiancee to stay in a hotel room. Or did you willfully miss that because you’re projecting your IL issues onto her?

Her reasons for thinking cousin and fiancée should stay in the house made sense—they go to bed early and get up early like ILs (early risers can be disruptive to a house with sleeping kids), and BIL very rarely gets to see the cousin, so game night and all that after kids are in bed sounds fun. At any rate, OP has already said she’s going to suggest a hotel for cousin and fiancee, so what is your problem?[/quote]

She [b]already[/b] told ILs to go to a hotel, giving little thought and consideration to how this would be received. Most people understand ILs would feel hurt and slighted in this scenario. That this didn't register with OP makes me think she does not like them or does not care to maintain a drama free relationship.[/quote]

You are reading way too into this. Are you on the older side and having a hard time letting go?
OP seems nice enough to want to solve this without major drama. I am sure she pitched it as a good thing and the ILs are being selfish and not caring about anyone else in this situation.[/quote]

Maybe i am? I am 40 with young kids. I chose my battles carefully with in laws, i save my ammunition for the really important stuff. [/quote]

How is it “ammunition” to open your home to an additional three guests and cook them a Thanksgiving meal? With an eye to their comfort—some of us don’t “throw BIL on couch” and put small kids on a floor after they have spent thousands to spend hours on an airplane and change time zones, by the way—OP and her husband are thinking some people will be more comfortable in a hotel, and offered to pay. If you think that is “ammunition,” you must have never had a real, actual problem or a real, actual conflict in your life. What a drama queen you are.[/quote]

FYI, asking people to stay at a hotel is not hosting them. [/quote]

It is when you offer to pay, and you provide their meals, including a large holiday meal, and provide them with a place to hang out and see their family. Take a family home out of this equation, and people would have to rent an Air BNB, yes? Logic, people. Try to follow along.[/quote]

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