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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder,  but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.

Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.

I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.[/quote]

This may be the most sane post I've ever read on this website. I am one of six, and I firmly believe that no one needs more children than two. I don't care how much you want a big family. There is no way to take care of a child's emotional well being when there is so much need. It's batshit crazy to me that in this time of climate crisis (and when most children make it to adulthood) anyone should be having large families. Just don't do it. [/quote]

It sounds like you need some therapy for your childhood.  I came from a large family (7) as did my DH (6) and we have 4 kids.  We are [b]low producers out of our siblings[/b].  There is a lot of love and time and the 50+ cousins are all doing well with college, just starting careers, etc.  There are definitely some special needs which will be continually worked on/with for life.  But when you have an amazing childhood in a large family that is exactly what you want to give your own kids.  [/quote]

I'm not talking about material well-being as an indicator of happiness. There is no way that all of those 50+ cousins or your combined 11 siblings are doing well, as defined by their emotional health. And having special needs is definitely not something you can discount from the equation. Have you asked those relatives how happy and wonderful they feel their lives are? Do you know how hard it is to be a sibling of a kid with a disability? And what about all of your siblings? Are you close with each or close enough that they tell you about their inner lives? Or perhaps, like most kids in large families, they learn to keep their mouths shut so as not to rock the boat and just keep doing whatever the hell needs to be done to get by (obviously, some of that is subconscious). Do you know that being raised in a family of 5+ children is considered an Adverse Childhood Experience? Besides, the world doesn't need us to keep making so many humans! [/quote]

Here is your list. The list of adverse childhood experiences known to foster toxic stress (ACEs) are:

physical abuse
sexual abuse
emotional abuse
physical neglect
emotional neglect
mental illness
violence toward a primary caregiver
substance use
divorce

These can happen in families of any size. You really do need therapy to deal with your childhood. [/quote]

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