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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm so sorry for your loss.

When she opens the door by asking how you are, tell her you are grieving and it is heavy, and you need support from family and friends. Hopefully she will then step up by asking how she can help, and hopefully you can be ready with some concrete ways you want help, like "I'd love for you to come visit," or "It's hard to get dinner on the table and [b]I'd love a restaurant gift card"[/b] or "I'd love for you to call me a little more."

I would never say you are being "silly," but please recognize that you are deep in grief right now. Try not to take any actions that can't be undone when you are feeling a bit stronger.

I'm really sorry for your loss. [/quote]

Don't say the bolded part. You have the money to buy your on restaurant gift card. This is so tacky.

[/quote]

When someone says they need help, and are then asked what kind of help they need, this isn’t just appropriate, it is an honor. I have a co-worker whose husband died a few months ago, very unexpectedly. I check in with her consistently. I was offering to bring food, and she got really honest and told me, “My kids are so picky, honestly, Chick-fil-A or Uber Eats is what would really help me.” I was honored that she felt close enough to tell me that. I’m so glad she didn’t grin and bear another lasagna, she told me what would be helpful to her.

There’s nothing tacky about needing help, and—when asked!—being honest about what that looks like for you.[/quote]

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