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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]More often it is the reverse; keep having kids until the boy is born. If you can afford it, why not?  [/quote]

No one with a lot of kids wants to hear this, but neglect is common in large families, even those with considerable financial resources. Children do better with more one-on-one time with caregivers, especially parents (nannies do offer good one-on-one time but in very large families even this is shared). At some point in having kids, it is simply not possible to truly know all your kids well. There WILL be a child or children who don't get enough attention or emotional support, and it will screw up that kid.

Certain resources (especially time and attention) are finite. Some families can extend the number of kids they can feasibly have if they have more adults involved (very involved grandparents, for instance) or can really pay for more one-on-one time. So it's not like there's a set number, like don't have more than 2 or don't have more than 4 -- some people can handle those numbers. But there IS a number at which the family will be overtaxed and some or all kids will experience some form of neglect. Thus, having children until you get a specific gender actually is a bad idea, because it will no doubt push people past whatever their particular max on kids is in order to get the girl.

I know of families with 8 or 9 children where the last child is opposite gender of the others -- one or both parents was clearly waiting on their boy/girl. Every one of these families has neglected kids and bad outcomes as a result. It's a terrible idea.[/quote]

I’m one of four kids and we’re all high functioning. Im not as successful as my siblings who are uber successful, but im typical dcum UMC. There are a lot of factors- financial resources help (my parents are modest but are well-off; my mom stayed home while we were young and then had a full time but flexible career) and we are also all 2.5-3 years apart which my parents felt was a good gap. I knew a lot of families like ours with 4-5 kids growing up in the 90s/early 2000s. We were in private school, took 1-2 good vacations a year, sleepaway camps, and all had extracurriculars and whatever tutoring we needed. I wouldn’t be able to afford the same standard of living today for 4 kids and I think that matters.

I only know a few people from very large families (6/7+ kids) and those experiences were more mixed.
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Yes, if you read what I said, the point is that parents should only have more kids if they, personally, can provide those kids with what they are going to need. Some people have the resources to have 4 kids, sometimes 5. Most do not. It is very rare in a family of 4-5 kids for them all to do well. Usually one or more get neglected. I'm glad that wasn't the case for you.

Having kids until you have the gender mix you want is a bad idea because it will override the most important question, which is whether that specific family has the resources (not just money but time/energy/attention) to have another kid. It's the only question that matters, and people who have more kids because they want a girl, or a boy, or because they "always dreamed of a big family" without considering whether they can give what it takes, do so at the expense of their kids.

I think about this when I see those influencer and celebrity families where they are always popping out another kid -- I think often they do it because they know new babies benefit their image and will drive eyeballs, and it makes me sad. Every kid should be individually wanted, and I hate it when people have kids and then give up on them/discard them.[/quote]

I mean, it could be the dynamic of having such a big family and lack of parental supervision. But it could also just be that statistically speaking, you risk getting a child who is going to have issues with every pregnancy, so the more kids you have, the more likely it is that one of them is going to have some kind of issue, no matter how much attention they receive.[/quote]

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