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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We more often see the bipolar, borderline or ASD person develop negative coping mechanisms that are narcissism. Such as flying off the handle at others, being rude all the time, calling others crazy if someone makes a comment, gaslighting galore, etc.

The higher empathy and higher functioning people take longer to realize their partner has serious issues a maladaptive behaviors. They give the benefit of the doubt for too long and pick up all the slack for too long. Then get worn down. Or resentful. Or start telling others the truth about their partner (often get therapy to figure it what on earth is going on, and how to cope).

Then they really realize they are partnered with a sinking ship and need to save themselves. [/quote]

That’s … not narcissism you are describing. and it’s odd you are lumping together three totally different conditions.

fwiw, the borderline and bipolar people I know can display a ton of empathy when they aren’t triggered (borderline) or in an episode (bipolar). autistic people are empathetic, just a different way than we generally think of it.[/quote]

You seem compassionate and generous towards BPDs in a way that you are not giving to narcissists that makes me skeptical of your familiarity with BPDs. But I guess even BPDs need someone to believe in them so its good you exist.

- Child of a BPD[/quote]

It’s not some sort of competition. The description just didn’t sound like narcissism. You can’t just label various things you dislike with various DSM diagnoses. [/quote]

I am not the first PP here you responded to, but I am the child of a BPD. I don't think of it as a competition, and I'm not saying something is or isn't narcissism. But you are talking about how there are these BPD empaths who are only mean when they are 'triggered'. I dunno I just am having a visceral reaction to someone equating BPD to Autism. I 100% have a personal trauma bias that is causing that visceral reaction though. [/quote]

Clinician here.  I always think of BPD as a highly sensitive kid who is born into an abusive environment (usually physical or sexual).  They have no sense of self, hate themselves, and are constantly looking for someone to save them.  When that person can’t save them, they hate that person too.

I know that they can look to their kids to save them and feel super enmeshed when kids are small, then abandoned and angry as kids get older and start to separate.  I don’t think this means that they are without empathy and understanding.

I will also say that no one seems to be talking about the self harm and suicidal tendencies that I see as a hallmark of BPD.  These aren’t people who think they are great or that their problems are everyone else’s fault.  [/quote]

this is the PP who started off this branch of discussion about empathy and BPD. I just want to clarify that while I agree with clinician PP, I in no way think the children of BPDs should forgive them or feel bad for them. I can’t tell you how many times I felt glad that the BPD in my life was my step-mother and not my mother. Being her kid was pure hell and my stepsiblings are truly scarred. I’m very glad I can see her from a total remove now. [/quote]

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