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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We more often see the bipolar, borderline or ASD person develop negative coping mechanisms that are narcissism. Such as flying off the handle at others, being rude all the time, calling others crazy if someone makes a comment, gaslighting galore, etc.

The higher empathy and higher functioning people take longer to realize their partner has serious issues a maladaptive behaviors. They give the benefit of the doubt for too long and pick up all the slack for too long. Then get worn down. Or resentful. Or start telling others the truth about their partner (often get therapy to figure it what on earth is going on, and how to cope).

Then they really realize they are partnered with a sinking ship and need to save themselves. [/quote]

That’s … not narcissism you are describing. and it’s odd you are lumping together three totally different conditions.

fwiw, the borderline and bipolar people I know can display a ton of empathy when they aren’t triggered (borderline) or in an episode (bipolar). autistic people are empathetic, just a different way than we generally think of it.[/quote]

You seem compassionate and generous towards BPDs in a way that you are not giving to narcissists that makes me skeptical of your familiarity with BPDs. But I guess even BPDs need someone to believe in them so its good you exist.

- Child of a BPD[/quote]

It’s not some sort of competition. The description just didn’t sound like narcissism. You can’t just label various things you dislike with various DSM diagnoses. [/quote]

I am not the first PP here you responded to, but I am the child of a BPD. I don't think of it as a competition, and I'm not saying something is or isn't narcissism. But you are talking about how there are these BPD empaths who are only mean when they are 'triggered'. I dunno I just am having a visceral reaction to someone equating BPD to Autism. I 100% have a personal trauma bias that is causing that visceral reaction though. [/quote]

Clinician here.  I always think of BPD as a highly sensitive kid who is born into an abusive environment (usually physical or sexual).  They have no sense of self, hate themselves, and are constantly looking for someone to save them.  When that person can’t save them, they hate that person too.

I know that they can look to their kids to save them and feel super enmeshed when kids are small, then abandoned and angry as kids get older and start to separate.  I don’t think this means that they are without empathy and understanding.

I will also say that no one seems to be talking about the self harm and suicidal tendencies that I see as a hallmark of BPD.  These aren’t people who think they are great or that their problems are everyone else’s fault.  [/quote]

I actually agree with the PP who just pointed out that there is controversy over whether many people diagnosed with BPD actually just have untreated or under-treated C-PTSD. But this description above is spot on and describes how this manifests.

I have never been diagnosed with BPD but I did have an episode at one point that I think fits the clinical description of BPD as outlined above, including self harm and suicidal thoughts. In my case, it was triggered by a traumatic even that included sexual assault.

Addressing the trauma— both the original childhood trauma and the triggering event— was central to getting better.[/quote]

+1 at a certain point in my life I had all the hallmarks of bps. Self harm the whole thing. But there was a triggering event in my life at the time and I had a pretty rough childhood (emotional and sexual abuse). I could probably have been classified as either but I’m pretty stable now- married for 16 years in a low conflict marriage, Same job for 18 years. I do manage things carefully and don’t schedule much socialization because it is overwhelming for me.

I agree that addressing the trauma is so
Important and the line between cptsd and bpd is very blurry for some of us. Sinead O’Connor apparently was also bounced back and forth between bps and cptsd: it is hard to get “right” and maybe not much difference in the end, but I thought personality disorders were fixed so the fact that many get relief of symptoms when trauma is uncovered speaks to it not being personality based.
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