Reply to DD leaving for college soon: can we repair our relationship before she leaves?

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "DD leaving for college soon: can we repair our relationship before she leaves?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote]
I would absolutely have a conversation in which you ask her whether she would pay what you are about to pay for someone treating her the way she is treating you to attend college.

I’m not saying cut her off, or don’t. I’m saying that this conversation would not be optional. Hopefully it gets the issues on the table. You are going to have to be under-reactive to whatever she says.
[/quote]

As the parent of current college students, and one recent graduate, I think this is a minefield but one that you do need to tread through.  I agree with the PP who speculated that some of this is natural "distancing" behavior for soon to be departing first years, in order to make leaving home and launching into college easier.  But your DD's reaction does sound extreme.  We have no way of knowing whether whatever grievances she may be nurturing are legitimate, since OP hasn't given further info on that.  But there is something to be said for making the point that adulthood means learning not to bite the hand that feeds you---whether it is a parent paying for college, or an employer paying your paycheck.

I wouldn't spell it out as baldly as the PP above, but I do think having a "grown up" conversation about this next stage of life is important.  I was always clear with my kids that college was an investment in their future---one that we were making jointly together---parents with money, the student with their time---and while we weren't going to micromanage course selections and grades, nor expect all As---we did expect them to treat college as their "job" and go to class and do their work.  Luckily they have done so---had I had one who decided to skip class, smoke pot and made "Ds", then we would have likely cut off the financial spigot quickly and let them spend a year working a minimum wage job and pondering their life choices.

Having a conversation about mutual expectations of this next phase of life will likely draw out some information that will shed light on her thinking.  I agree with being non-reactive.    [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics