Reply to Why is it taboo for adult children to leech off their parents, but not for parents to leech off their adult children?

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Reply to "Why is it taboo for adult children to leech off their parents, but not for parents to leech off their adult children?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this. 
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone. [/quote]

No child asked to be born whereas the parent chose to take on the responsibility of raising a child.

That aside, there are a lot of crummy parents out there and the ones I’ve seen with the biggest “my kids owe me” are the ones who did nothing to save or set themselves up in retirement. Often this is cultural and I’ve seen it play out with friend who married into families with parents who lived pretty high on the hog spending paycheck to paycheck and now feel their child should care for them, often not just for a last few handful of years but potentially a couple decades. It’s so unreasonable.

And I imagine if you’re a kind, generous parent who treated your kids very well and you did the best you could to save, your kids will feel more inclined to want to help you if they can. But the expectation that your kids are going to just keep bankrolling you at the lifestyle you are accustomed to in old age is literal narcissism.[/quote]

:roll: Why don't you ask some adult children if they wanted to be born. Pretty sure 99% will say yes. That argument is really dumb.[/quote]

I think you assume wrong. Most people understand they wouldn’t have known if they weren’t born. Life can be a slog and a struggle. Suicide is a leading cause of death in this country. If being alive means you are financially responsible for yourself and your parents in a country where the elder generation has created policies that have led to ever-increasing income inequality, I think a lot of people would not choose that.

DH and I have been very aggressive with saving for retirement since before our kids were born. I have chosen to stay in a fed position because the pension and lifelong healthcare (I was hired long enough ago that I contribute only .9% so I realize I’m lucky).

Our children are our responsibility. We are not theirs. I just hope that someday, if they choose to have children, they will similarly save for themselves while also doing their best to provide their family a nice life. If we can help out with down payments and childcare we will the way our parents helped us. If you want your family to have continued upward mobility or at least stay in the UMC, then you model good saving and investing habits and help your children out at points along the way like being able to get on the property ladder when they are still somewhat young. You do not create an anchor for them that will stop them from being able to lean into their careers or afford to have a family of their own.[/quote]

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