Reply to Family camping trip is making me question all my parenting choices

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We're on a weekend camping trip with DH's family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) and my 4-year-old is not handling it well. At all. Like, tantrum about not being able to wear a specific pair of underwear we left at home-level not handling it. I am seriously the one with that kid who is screaming in a campground because her bathing suit got a little wet. The bouncy-house slide has a sprinkler, which is scary, but the playground is hot, because it's summertime. She won't wear shoes because it's fun to go barefoot except the rocks hurt her feet OH MY GOD DO NOT TRY TO PUT SHOES ON ME. Meanwhile her cousins are playing on the bouncy slide and playground and having fun like normal kids on a fun camping trip.

Have I just indulged her and catered to her needs too much? She's always been very strong-willed and super-sensitive to changes in her schedule/routine and so we've always been strict with mealtimes, nap/bedtimes, etc so we don't get into meltdown territory, even (especially!) while traveling. On this trip we're totally off her normal schedule, but I feel like at 4 she should be able to handle a little more flexibility. She's also always been incredible specific about her clothing so we've let her pick her own clothes for the last year or so and she's so inflexible about it that she can't handle any suggestions about what she wears, or if it's weather-appropriate, or what the best shoes would be or whatever. If she picks out an outfit for the day she will NOT change it, ever, for any reason. But she also can't stand it when her clothes get wet or dirty and so at home we just run them through the dryer so she can put them back on (but of course we don't have a dryer while camping). Anyways, this trip is just highlighting how incapable of being flexible this kid is and I'm wondering if our efforts to let her make her so many of her own choices have backfired. Maybe we just need to lay some more boundaries down about clothing?? Disrupt her routine more often so she can go with the flow more often?? 4 is so tough! She was difficult at 2 and 3 but these screaming tantrums have been a fun new addition at 4.[/quote]

OP, it sounds like you’re a little embarrassed of your daughter’s behavior. If that’s the case (and it was for me in similar situations) that is coming through as you deal with her and it’s making it a million times worse. Maybe you feel judged by your in-laws, or at least, lacking in some way bc your child is the only one crying. Try to step away and ask your DH to deal with her in any fraught moments. He probably cares less what that giant group of campers thinks of him, and will be able to deal with her wo the guilt and shame and embarrassment.

I would guess- sensitive kid (I don’t know about a formal diagnosis… I had one who was super sensitive about her clothes and she is absolutely not on the spectrum or whatever…) PLUS a little coddling PLUS disrupted weird sleep PLUS tense extended family dynamics- for the kids and the adults PLUS you’re embarrassed/ashamed of her behavior and comparing it negatively to the other kids. And all that EQUALS a terrible time for all!

I’m sorry, OP. You’ll get through this and so will she. Get DH in there to help out and go have a beer by the campfire![/quote]

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