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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.[/quote]

Op here. This is how I feel too. On one hand there is shame in not being able to replicate my parents success even though I was given all the opportunities and resources. Then there’s the depressing realization that we will ever be able to buy a SFH in a good neighborhood around here and I’ll never have the quality of life I grew up with or give my kids the same experiences. [/quote]

A lot of people grow up and don’t become wealthy like their parents.  My in-laws Ivy League, very wealthy.  Not us though and it doesn’t bother us in the least. We are lucky that they are the most generous and kindness people in the world. He retired early and bought us a house, gifting every year, paid for all activities and tuitions for our kids, not just monetarily, they are also there for their children.  They are proud of their children, none went to Ivy League or reached their level of financial success.

If your parents are wealthy hopefully they can help with the kids.  Just don’t try and be something you’re not.  Don’t overreach and buy in a neighborhood you can’t afford.  If you stop feeling sorry for yourself your kids will have their own childhood, not a replica of yours. [/quote]

If your ILs bought you a home, you are wealthy.  They'll probably also help with kid's education, right? So all you and your husband need to do is make enough money to cover living expense (minus mortgage) and save for retirement. That would be so easy.

Not all UMC or wealthy parents are generous like that, either. You are lucky, but you need to understand how unusual your situation is. You're in a really ideal situation.[/quote]

x10000

Seems the norm around here that grandparents pay for their kids' houses and education, and their grandchildrens' houses and education.  Holy crap - you people who have that are completely out of touch and only expect more - if you were my kids, I would donate every penny to a charity that actually needs it.

My kids grandparents only play favorites.  It is sickening. I can't fathom having such generous people in our lives. Just wow.

[/quote]

It isn't the norm. I've known 2 people who had help paying for  a home.  The vast majority of the people I know, scrimped and saved and didn't blow money stupidly because they knew homeownership was expensive and important. They did without to buy a townhome. [/quote]

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