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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We did it after the 6 week checkup. I was nervous and I made my husband promise to be gentle. It was fine, we resumed regular sex but I didn’t particularly enjoy it for a few months. It didn’t hurt, but I felt uncomfortable. [/quote]

I wish women wouldn't sat "We resumed regular sex" when it's really DH insisting and DW reluctantly complying. [/quote]

I wish people didn’t assume their experience is universal and anyone who says otherwise is lying. I wanted and initiated sex before 6 weeks with my first. With our second, we ended up waiting because we were exhausted, but nothing was wrong with my vagina. Two vaginal births, 0 stitches or complications. [/quote]

+1. I had stitches with my first but was back to desiring other activities before six weeks and then around seven weeks or so felt back to normal and ready (and eager!) for sex.

I have all the sympathy in the world for women with difficult recoveries and/or jackass spouses, but I do think important not to silence those who aren’t suffering in early parenthood. Women are often told to, basically, project misery and stress in order to be a “good” mom. I’ll never forget the nasty comments—“you should be at home, don’t you care about your baby”—I got from people who overheard me chatting with a friend over a freaking glass of wine at 4ish weeks postpartum after our first.

That is NOT to take away from those struggling—those experiences need to be heard too, of course! And the medical field/society treats new moms like crap.

But women who are doing well shouldn’t be assumed liars. [/quote]

No one assumes you’re a liar. But do realize that people will see your easy recovery and then assume all other women should be like you. Personally I was still bleeding at 4 weeks postpartum and incontinent and in a lot of pain and in no shape to leave the house, let alone meet a friend for anything. Couching your experience to indicate that you were fortunate to have an easy recovery creates some space for others who do not.  [/quote]

I assure you, I have been called a liar to my face when people have asked me how I am doing and I answered that I was thankful to be doing great, baby sleeping well, etc. A common response is, "stop putting on a front." I have also have had acquaintances comment that I should put my "real life" on my Instagram, because my house looks "too clean" to be "real" when the truth is that my house is super tidy because having a clean house, even with little ones, is a priority for me and my mental health. All this has taught me is there is little winning no matter WHAT a new mom does.

That said, I hope my post--indicating both sympathy and the need for those struggling to be heard--shows I do not have any desire to dismiss the experiences of others. And to elaborate on my comment that the medical field and society treats mothers like crap, it is critical that we improve postpartum care and benefits while just having more damn compassion for others.

I appreciate that you think I should present my experience in a certain way (lucky, fortunate, etc.) and that is, of course, language I often invoke. But I am also aware that those who want to pass judgment on other women/assume all should have an easy time postpartum would do so no matter that the reality is or what any one individual says or does.

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