Reply to s/o - Do you lose respect for someone if you've found out he or she has had an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, huge loss of respect. Putting selfish desires ahead of the mental health and well-being of your children and a willingness to lie, betray and stab a knife through the heart of your spouse is more than enough to make me lose respect.

I do not demonize a cheater however. I think there is a road back, a cheater who is truly remorseful and digs deep and puts in a great deal of hard work can ultimately shift their understanding of self and others, and their priorities and become a better parent/spouse then they were before. I think these people are few and far between as if they were willing to do that introspection and hard work they would have done it before they cheated and made a different decision, however I do think these people exist and that is partly why many people reconcile post affair, in the hopes their spouse is one of them.

I would not stay friends with an active cheater. nor would I stay friends with someone who was actively fraudulent in a different way. Not someone I could trust in any way. Also someone whose perspective has become so skewed that they can rationalize potentially damaging their children likely has very skewed perspectives in other areas making them even less trustworthy.[/quote]

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