Reply to Please help! Should elderly mom with dementia come on annual beach trip -- siblings disagree!

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[quote=Anonymous]At my family member's memory care place they strongly discourage taking family members out even for just an overnight. If the visit goes super well, they often don't want to come back to the assisted living place. Then they have to transition them back to their routine again.

But to play the devil's advocate, if the sister suggesting this is the one who spends a lot of time with your mom and wants to give up her whole vacation to try it, then that is for her to decide. If I were her, I would try to do a weekend/overnight with mom at her place and see how that goes.

Your mom sadly sounds like she probably needs constant supervision if she isn't in a safe environment. So you would probably want her to have a caregiver there 24/7 not just overnight to give you guys some relief.

I also understand your sister wanting to give her one last trip, especially if she shoulders a lot of your mom's emotional support. It can be so hard to hear a family member with dementia say they are lonely, want to be with their family, want to go back to familiar/happy places, want to go home, are depressed, etc. Unfortunately, even if your mom does go on the trip she will likely not remember it and keep asking regardless.

So if I were you, I would leave mom and home BUT THEN focus on what you can do for this sister to help her process the guilt -- meditation, yoga, massages, telling her you love her, letting her cry, and a lot of grief/caregiver fatigue focused stuff.[/quote]

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