Reply to Wanting to divorce a “recovered” spouse

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wanting to divorce a “recovered” spouse"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is so much justification for bad behavior. No it’s wrong. OP this causes major trauma. My husband could be yours. Too little too late and your feelings are your feelings. He has revealed a side of himself that is hard to unsee. Would you want your daughter to be in this relationship? I’m very afraid to leave my husband because of the manipulation, finances and family resources. But I also can’t imagine living with this without the repair. Does your DH understand repair and what would that look and feel like for you? [/quote]

Does OP understand what repair would look and feel like for herself? I think that’s the first step.

She’s been in a stress response mode for a long time. And in a state of denial thinking that if her DH got his act together then all would be magically OK.

And now he has, but OP doesn’t automatically feel better. Because her DH’s abusive behavior provided a distraction to working on herself. She got comfortable in the victim/martyr role. It wasn’t a fun role, but it’s objectively “good” to her husband being “bad.”

She now needs to carve out space for her own healing and really think about what role she wants to play and how she communicates that. It’s not easy.

I wish you the best.  [/quote]
+1[/quote]

I would stop dumping in Op to figure everything out. Figure out what to do him, tell others, get him therapy, watch him finally behave but under the microscope of others.  Now go figure out what she feels and wants to do.

All while working and day to day .

A therapist/expert should be giving her a framework or grieving/recovery process. 
Stop asking her to reinvent the wheel; she doesn’t have time for a 6-7 year psychology PhD. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics