Reply to how to deal with GF when she goes in a silent mode after argument

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How often is this happening, where you are “telling her something you don’t like”? Can you give an example? How frequent are these episodes of your criticism and her silent treatment?[/quote]

Op here. Not a lot, may be like once or twice a month and it is not that I say anything bad to her. If I tell her she is snapping in a polite tone, then she doesn't take it well. Sometimes, she doesn't like something and don't tell me what it is and goes in a shell. She came out of a 18+ year marriage 3 years ago and I am her only serious relationship since then. [/quote]

NP here.  You can’t change people, all you can do is decide if it’s a dealbreaker, if there is some room for compromise or if you are willing to accept that’s how it is.  You can encourage your GF to tell you what she doesn’t like/give opinion and speak up for herself but she has to decide she wants to do it and work out that things don’t get better/other people can’t read your mind and have enough trust that it is the better path that overcomes what we fears.  I came from a high conflict household with parent’s divorce and there was no speaking your mind as a kid in that household so my coping mechanism was to avoid conflict.

In regards to her giving you the silent treatment - is she using the time to process to actual come back and have thoughtful discussion?  In my opinion for things that are big and require you to be in verbal agreement, I think it’s fair to find some amount of time that works for both of you and agree to table it until then.  For things that are more speaking up for yourself, i.e. being snappy, I while an apology would be great, I don’t know that further conversation is needed if the person doesn’t need clarification on what about the behavior impacted yiou that way and if they are willing to stop doing that action. [/quote]

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