Reply to Trying to get over husband’s affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, he wasn't sorry about any of this until he was caught.  That's really all you need to know.  He'd still be doing this if you had not caught him.  This IS who he is.

BTDT after a 17 year marriage.  I too was desperate to save it because of our kids, but looking back divorcing him was the best decision of my life.  You deserve better.  Your marriage will never be the same, and you will never fully trust him.  [/quote]

It’s a fair point. According to his therapist he was sorry he was doing this and was trying to understand why during the affair.  But a huge concern when I ask him “how did you think this would play out, you knew aid eventually figure it out, didn’t you?”  His response is - I wasn’t thinking, I thought I’d end it before .  This response bothers me as it would mean whatever May have lead to the affair would likely still have been there leading to future affairs… the OW did tell me she asked him if he’d done this before at all and he told her no.  I tend to believe that but who knows, as you point out it’s hard to know what to believe anymore.  I have known him 27 years, however abd this does seem out of character [/quote]

How out of character? Really?

Don’t do marital counseling. There is nothing wrong with the marriage.

Your H needs to fix his issues. Married or not, it affects his ability to be a good father.[/quote]

Yes, understand that point.  I don’t know I believe it’s out of character for him but you’re right maybe that is my own fantasy thinking.  He believes he’s been completely broken down and changed by all of this and to his credit is recognizing and talking about his narcissistic tendencies and similar concerns and working with his therapist to address.  But to your point I am not sure I am May be the best judge of character versus what I want his character to be [/quote]

Good insight!

You’re doing all the right things right now. Don’t rush the process.[/quote]

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