Reply to Parental time and activities as kids age

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine. [/quote]

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference. [/quote]

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird. [/quote]

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.[/quote]

It's called parenting time for a reason.  Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making.  Not the parent's desire for a playmate.   [/quote]

OP again - I WISH this were the case. But it seems they spend quite a bit of time on their iPads. They have to request to download games so I get the alerts. It's definitely not about the quality time. It's about the control.[/quote]

What he do his time is his choice.  You are right it is about control and you are trying to control him.  You can find a different program or drive the kids after swim.  Just be honest as you don’t want the visits and say so.  Go to court and have the kids say dad is terrible, abusive, neglectful and they hate it there.  simple, done.  [/quote]

If the dad is arguing that he wants to be with his kid more, then how is mom driving the kids after swim (so he loses an hour with one and an an hour and a half with the other) a solution?

I agree mom might end up doing it, because it appears she cares about the kids.[/quote]

It doesn't sound like Dad is asking for more time (who knows why - either he doesn't want it or OP will not allow it), but the issue is flexibility.  Mom is talking about being flexible but she is not flexible at all.   If she insists this is the only swim available (and those of us with kids who swim know its not true), then if its a transportation issue, the simple fix is for her to offer to transport the child after a swim is over.  Maybe Dad has to get home to another younger child who gets out of daycare at a specific time or another reason he cannot wait around.  We are only hearing one side of it.  Flexibility goes both ways.  Mom is deliberately planning activities Dad said no to on his time.  That's not ok.  Yes, the kid should swim but she needs to either work it out with Dad or find a different program or kid misses a day.  The kid goes every other weekend so missing two swims a month is not a big deal.  Or, maybe kid can miss one swim, and Mom can drive the kid after for the other swim.  Lots of options.  Or, maybe find a swim near Dad's house.  But, what is very odd is the arguing now as most shutdown swim except if the child is at a very high competitive level or is older for the summer.  Our summer swim didn't start till the child was 13; otherwise, it was summer teams.  And, this child isn't super competitive if they are only swimming 3 days a week as normal would be 4-7 at that age, or even more if they swim twice a day).[/quote]

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