Reply to Parents gave brother every role- so I feel like walking away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have always been most involved with my parents and have visited, had them for holidays etc.
    My brother has visited maybe 6 times in 30 years- good guy- responsible- just  doesn’t come around.  We both live states away.  I’m corporate recruiter with good job successful - so very competent business wise, too. 
   Now I find out they left my bother as executor and with power of attorney. Never even discussed a thing with me. 
   Parents are 80.  
   I’m very hurt and angry about this. I’m the do-er and they basically cut me out of decisions.  I’m still 50/50 in will- so financially I don’t think they cut me out- but I think it’s BS they didn’t bring me into conversation about their care/ plans etc.
   So on one hand I feel like saying “fine you want to leave it all to him to handle- have at it- see how that goes. He’s visited you 6 times in 30 years - but surely don’t expect me to do all the work and ask his approval.”
   I know it’s so immature - but I’m really pissed.
   My brother reached out this weekend to ask me to basically help figure out what to do as on that visit to find out the financial stuff he felt they need to be moved out of their home.
  So I’m truly not sure how to even respond to his email.  He was complicit - he should have said “ we should include Jill in this conversation etc”. 
   Its s so wrong the way this was handled. I know who does everything- so why should I do all that and have to ask my brother for his approval! 
  How should I feel/ act? What would other actually do I this situation?
[/quote]

Honestly, as an estate planner, this post is exactly the reason why they likely picked your brother. You immediately huffed and puffed about the issue and I'd imagine your "I'm the do-er" probably isn't as much as you think it is. You sound like a classic narcissist. Your brother, after founding out, reached out to you seeking your assistance knowing what you did. That shows he is likely more grounded and mature. Sorry if that offends you.

Further, not sure why your parents need to bring you into their estate plans. It is their plans and they can make the choices they want. They might not be the choices you'd make. Further, this isn't indentured servitude. Your brother can renounce any role he wants but it sounds like he wants to keep you involved.

[/quote]

She probably is the doer.  My parents did the same thing.  They even lied about it for years before my sister let it slip out.  Now when they call, I remind them it’s her responsibility and I’m not doing it.  Of course she visits a weekend a year and never does anything.  Not my problem.  They sucked me into staying near them so they could help when we had kids, but never babysat once and to take care of them.  [/quote]

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