Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think people would realize that they choose their inlaws when they choose the inlaw's child.  Especially now that most people don't marry until they are well into their 20s or more likely in their 30s.  Seems like people that old ought to realize it's a package deal and there could be a lot of strife in your life if you accept difficult people as your inlaws.  But, I guess most people aren't willing to pass on a person who has difficult parents even though they may have an inkling that there will be a hefty price to pay.[/quote]

The pushy, overbearing, guilt tripping side of my MIL did not come up until after I had a kid. By then I had known my DH for 15+ years and my MIL for 5 years.

It was like a whole new side of her came out where she wanted to be with us 3-4 days a week. She started enmeshing herself into what I felt were parental roles - giving us unsolicited advice about where child should go to school, what kind of clothes they should wear, stepping in when kid asked for mom, telling DH to bring baby over so he could do xyz, telling us where she thought we should move, vacation based on proximity and convenience to her.  Basically inserting herself into our home life and decision making. It was a total shock to me. She was always reasonable before but suddenly after a grandkid appeared it was like she just could not get enough. She started treating me differently too, like I was invisible. All she wanted to talk about was grandkid. I had to start saying. She literally wanted to be included in every single thing. It was suffocating. [/quote]

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