Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think people would realize that they choose their inlaws when they choose the inlaw's child.  Especially now that most people don't marry until they are well into their 20s or more likely in their 30s.  Seems like people that old ought to realize it's a package deal and there could be a lot of strife in your life if you accept difficult people as your inlaws.  But, I guess most people aren't willing to pass on a person who has difficult parents even though they may have an inkling that there will be a hefty price to pay.[/quote]

My MIL flipped a switch when we got married. Like almost to the day. We had dated awhile, but always done holidays apart bc we each wanted to see our families. When we got married, we decided to rotate. She COULD NOT BELIEVE her son wasn’t going to be with her for Thanksgiving. She was such a pill about holidays and gatherings the first few years we were married, she ruined our relationship.

So, while I did know she had some bumps before we got married, I did not realize what little emotional work she’d done in the lead up to our wedding. The fact that I had a family was offensive to her, and I don’t think she fully realized it until our wedding day.

It’s been 15 years and I don’t think I will ever forget how poorly she treated me during those early years. [/quote]

I’ve been married 25 years and my MIL still doesn’t “get” the concept of “sharing” her son with another family at the holidays. It’s mind boggling and there was no hint while we were dating of how nuts she would become about holidays, grandchildren…you name it. [/quote]

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