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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My estranged father committed suicide 30 years ago when I was in college. I say “he died in a car accident”. Only my mother (who was abused by him when they were married) and my 2 siblings know.

I am severely depressed. I am so tired, have zero friends, and no hobbies. I am on anti depressant but stopped therapy when we moved during Covid (because it wasn’t really working). I am coping by distracting myself with Netflix and podcasts. My DH is so caught up in his career that he doesnt seem to notice. Or he thinks I’m lazy. I am fake and mask it well enough.

Although I don’t have a reason to want to live,  I know I will never harm myself; because I don’t want to do that to my kids - high school junior and college freshman. I don’t know what I’m going to do when my youngest graduates next year. We are very well off  7 figure HHI but “money doesnt buy happiness”. I think my DH deserves someone better - happier and more active for the retirement years. I sometimes don’t want to try.

My 2 secrets are probably related. [/quote]

Your father's cause of death is part of your medical history. You should tell, at least, your medical providers.

There are many types of treatment for depression, and they work. Do not give up.

Please please seek treatment from a psychiatrist (or start with your internist). You deserve a better life. And your children would benefit also from having a happy mom.

You have a treatable illness, that is probably genetic. Seek treatment. Depression is highly treatable. [/quote]

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