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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes. I think some people on here assume they will stay their lovely selves in old age and the adult children will be thrilled to help.They also assume their adult children won't have any of their own all-consuming life stressors or their own illness. It all happens in far too many cases.

I have seen what angry/combative/paranoid dementia looks like with my mother and I give my children permission to drop me off at Memory care and not look back. Nobody should have to deal with abuse. My dad did not become abusive but declined into not being able to do ANYTHING without assistance and he was miserable and suffering. I really want to track cognition and fly off to a country that allows assisted suicide before I am too far gone to consent, but in the meantime i am eating lots of greens, getting magnesium, managing mental health, learning new things, and doing all the things in the hope I can some how prevent this horrible fate.[/quote]

Same. I would rather take myself out than do that to my kids. My mother was horrible to me and my kids. She is the most entitled person I know, and absolutely expected me to provide her full-time care, including managing her house, her meds, her doc appts, hospital visits and stays (she was a fall risk), provide all meals, etc. I have a full time job and three kids.

I very nearly had a nervous breakdown and my health deteriorated at a shocking rate. At 88, she finally agreed to go to assisted living. She then cut all contact with me and my kids for abandoning her. She is quite wealthy, but thought paying for care was in her mind a total waste of money. It's taken quite a bit of therapy for me to understand why I agreed to that situation. [/quote]

PP, that sounds so tough. Did she not have a lot of stressors when her parents were aging? My parents did not have a lot of money, so they are pretty mindful about a lot of what you described above, including their not wanting us to risk our jobs by taking care of them (a depression and a few recesssions can do that).

My ILs are much better off. They are still relatively self sufficient, especially my MiL, but they really have little insight to how much the economy has changed over the last 30-40 years. I think sometimes their expectations are based on a world that simply no longer exists for their children.

I'm also sorry that your mom cut you and her grandkids off after everything you did for her. Truly is tragic.[/quote]

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