Reply to “I’d rather have a happy kid at UMD than a miserable one at Harvard”

Forum Index » College and University Discussion

Reply to "“I’d rather have a happy kid at UMD than a miserable one at Harvard” "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s about the size and culture of the school. It’s Alonso about being prepared and finding a good fit with academic peers. I chose a small private school over a large public one. When I struggled freshman year, people noticed and intervened. I was around academic peers so I was challenged, but not overwhelmed and intimidated.

[b]It is unlikely that a child who gets into a very competitive and rigorous school is going to completely burn out or flounder.[/b] All of the work they did to gain entry should have prepared them - unless it was actually the parent propping them up and doing some of the work. If a child ends up isolated and burned out, it is likely a mental health issue. I would argue that small, selective schools that naturally attract high achieving students are better prepared to monitor and intervene when students are in crisis or heading there. [/quote]

This is a bizarre take.  Plenty of people burn out and flounder in high intensity environments.  Does it ruin their lives forever?  Generally, no.  But it definitely happens.  I was at an elite school and just off the top of my head, I have friends who:
- burnt out/started failing classes and drinking too much and took a semester off for mental health reasons (he came back as a different major, was able to graduate on time, seems fine now)
- developed severe mental health problems and had to struggle through misdiagnosis (probably due just to age range -- she had bipolar that was incorrectly diagnosed as depression at first and that went really poorly) and eventually left the school and came back to finish her degree part time while also working over about 9 years
- suffered through severe depression in STEM grad school to eventually give up and move home with her parents for a few years to heal (she's a lawyer now)
- got into grad school but was dealing with so much diagnosed/untreated ADHD she wasn't able to complete the paperwork to actually attend the school in time and lost her place (now a high school teacher)

Those are some of the more extreme cases.  I think most of us made some pretty unhealthy choices and burnt out to some degree or another.  I think part of the issue was that everyone at that school was used to being top of their class and suddenly half of us were below average.  We all had to find new self-identities that weren't "the smart kid" because that applied to literally everyone.  We all had to learn how to work hard and study in ways we may not have done when we were younger, especially those of us coming from more rural/less competitive high schools.  Most of us were able to figure it out and most of us were mostly happy but it's disingenuous to say that rigorous and competitive schools don't cause burnout.[/quote]

Thanks for sharing.  The PP you are responding to, along with others, seem to conflate academic skills with emotional resilence. [/quote]

These posts resonate with me. I went to HYP and was happy and fine but saw a lot of people who were not. There was a thrilling feeling the first year when all the "smart kids" found each other and a community (finally!) that quickly showed a negative side: we were all just one in a sea of normal now. The kids that stood out were crazy brilliant. I wasn't and I knew it, but for whatever reason that didn't cause me to have a nervous breakdown.  Maybe it's because I had already gone to a competitive high school? Or because my parents never really pushed me or any specific goal? I don't know but I didn't go through the slump that my three roommates experienced our freshman year. Most people got over it but lots of people have real crises of confidence.

If my kids have the luxury to choose, I would actually prefer that they go to small liberal arts colleges. Generalization, but I prefer the atmosphere and the community at SLACs. [/quote]

I was happy too but I too knew at an early age I wasn't a genius. I have a bunch of siblings, all accomplished, but one of my older siblings was/is a true genius and has been mentioned by people in the field as a possible future Nobel prize winner.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics